I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
