what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
