i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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