Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
