but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
