I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
