is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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