"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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