You're my little dorito
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize