Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
