i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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