Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
