The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sex in a hospital.. check
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
