i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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