Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
