We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
