I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
