Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
