I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm too high and old for this...
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