I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
