So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize