a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
