when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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