party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
