you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
