I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
