I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
