Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
