I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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