The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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