mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
