he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
