Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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