So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
