just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize