So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
