can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't shave. On purpose
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
