What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my poor anus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
