Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
