I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
