She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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