Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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