if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
