So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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