do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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