Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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