I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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