Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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