Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
