i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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