just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize