So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize