I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
