Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
