I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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