haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
