Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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