Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
