How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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