Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize