Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
