He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
