she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
