if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
