I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They took my balls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
