I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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