Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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