like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
