It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
