im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
