Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
