There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
