so explain again why im purple
no
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
