No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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