Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize