New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
