his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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