Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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