Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
