im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Of course I have a pirate flag
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize