I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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