Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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