i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
