i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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