Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
