dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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