please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
