fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
