I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
