Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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