i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
