Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
