well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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