I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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