You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
