My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
