In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
