i was born a porn star she said
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
