we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
