So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
