I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize